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Indecision.

Wave after wave after wave…

Of indecision,

Never ending, overwhelming.

It’s like being on a sailing ship in a storm, with the wave crashing against the hull, the spray half blinding me as I hold on to the wheel and the wind buffeting. It would be so easy to lose control, so very easy to get lost.

But…

It’s not a bad storm – it’s not a frightening storm.

It’s actually kind of wonderful.

I’m smiling with the sheer joy of exhilaration, the raw energy that’s driving me this way, that way, forward, backwards.

Lost, lost.

But maybe not the bad kind of lost.

There is a joy to the exploration, but a longing – a need to find something.

The crashing of the lightening summons me as it screams out ideas… the wind whispers to me of all I could do, and the waves push and pull me from one part of the storm to another.

But…

Indecision.

Indecision.

Indecision.

It makes me want to scream…

Because the sheer joy of being so overwhelmed with ideas is flooding me, making me sink, and I can’t bail quick enough to keep afloat.

My ship is sinking into a dark mire. I risk being beached upon the shore of the wastelands yet again – that dark pit bereft of inspiration, bereft of hope.

Lightening crashes about me,

Inspiration upon inspiration…

Idea upon idea…

But the waves move me again before I can throw my anchor and stay put. I try to steer back; I try to set my sail… Try to hold on…

But…

The wind escapes my grasp and the waves buffet me again, driving me in no particular direction. Or maybe they are trying to drive me in every direction show me everything at once.

It’s madness to hear the call of so many voices, so much…

Too much.

I need a safe harbour, I need a place I can drop my anchor and stay put.

Not forever, just long enough to grasp, to hold and maybe weave something new.

But this storm…

This storm of ideas

It’s just too much.

Indecision is sinking me, clawing at me, freezing me.

I can feel myself being pulled back to the shores of the wastelands. I can feel that place calling me, taunting me with creative silence.

The cruel laughter of that place haunts me, so I scream at the storm to save me… To carry me somewhere – anywhere

Please, anywhere.

Because I can’t stay lost…

I can’t stay lost forever.

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